No matter how you surround your child with love and affection, the baby will still someday - accidentally or intentionally - hit you. How to react correctly when a baby hits mom in the face, and how to behave with a baby so that this does not happen again?

At first, the baby hits the mother in the face and thus causes pain not on purpose, but gradually his actions become conscious. The child fights with relatives and children, thereby expressing his emotions.

1. The baby is simply testing your reaction to his actions. Children actively explore the world around them, the properties of objects, the rules of behavior and the boundaries of what is permitted, and at some point he will be interested in what will happen if he hits you in the face with his hand. When a child beats his mother on purpose, he carefully observes what will follow after this action, as if feeling for whether it is possible to do this or not.
2. Some babies express their positive emotions in this way and, overwhelmed with joy, happiness and love, can hit their mother in the face. The nervous system in the first year is unstable, and the baby has not yet figured out how to show feelings.
3. Children closer to the year may well beat their mother consciously, expressing their dissatisfaction with this because of the prohibitions. Especially often, such situations arise when the baby hears the word “no” too often. In the minds of children surrounded by prohibitions, either an inflation of the meaning of this word occurs when the kids stop perceiving it, or they begin to get angry and behave quite aggressively.

We react correctly

Of course, your reaction to the first case should be correct and pedagogical. After all, if you simply smile in response to a painful blow, the baby will learn that “beating” gives you pleasure. In order for the baby to understand for himself that hitting his mother is wrong, you will need to do consistent educational work.

A child in the first year only learns to communicate with others and gradually learns the rules of interaction with people. By itself, the child cannot understand them, so your goal is to explain to him every minute what actions are allowed and what is prohibited. At the same time, it is important to approach this issue carefully and seriously. If a child beats his mother or loved ones, offends pets or fights in the sandbox, you must strictly suppress such behavior. There should not be any "discounts" for an unreasonable age, otherwise the baby will learn in the first year that such actions are acceptable, and will always behave aggressively.

1. In response to a child's blow, you should show him your true emotions. You need to show the baby that you are very upset and that you were hurt. It will be great if relatives, noticing that the baby has hit you, come up and take pity on you. So the baby quickly realizes that his action caused you pain.
2. A similar reaction should be when the baby does not beat the mother, but, for example, children in the sandbox or relatives. You should feel sorry for the offended child, explaining to your baby what pain he caused.
3. If a baby fights constantly and with all adults, it is important to stop him in time, and, looking the child in the eyes, strictly say that it is impossible to hit a person and thereby hurt him. If this does not help, you should put the baby in a crib or playpen, as if "weaning" him from you for a while. But as soon as the baby asks to come to you, you must take him in your arms and caress him so that the child knows that you are always there and love him.
4. For a baby, the most important thing is communication with you. In response to the blow of the crumbs, you can say that you were hurt, and then silently go about your business, thereby depriving him of your presence. Over time, the child realizes the connection between "crime and punishment" and will stop hitting you.
5. When no words help, the way out is to hold the child's arms until the child calms down. All this time, you must, with a serious expression on your face, strictly, but without raising your tone, tell the baby that you can’t beat your mother and that it hurts. It is important to demonstrate to the child that you will not allow yourself to be hit, but also do not reject him.
6. Some parents show the child how it feels by hitting him lightly, but still quite tangibly, in response. Psychologists are against such a solution to the situation, but still it is effective. The child instantly, "in his own skin" feels the pain of his actions in relation to others and stops fighting. The main thing is to consistently follow the rule of three pedagogical steps: explanation ("Don't hit me, it hurts me"), warning ("If you hit me again, I'll hit you back") and action. At the same time, your answer should be quite painful for the crumbs, he will perceive affectionate spanking as a game.

How to prevent?

First of all, you must teach the baby to express emotions correctly. If the baby beats you, unable to cope with the positive emotions that overwhelmed him, intercept your hand, wait until the child calms down and demonstrate that mom needs to be hugged and stroked. To consolidate the result, repeat the actions with close and large soft toys.

When a child fights because he is angry, you need to redirect his anger into tears. Hold the baby firmly in your arms so that he cannot harm you, and wait until his irritability turns into crying, and then calm him down. The child soon enough will understand that anger can be expressed in other ways, and will cease to be so aggressive.

In the first year, you must help the baby cope with unstable emotions and direct them in the right direction. The child still does not understand well what he feels and how he should respond to these sensations, and your task is to teach him to get rid of this correctly.

To avoid the manifestation of the aggressive behavior of the baby due to frequent prohibitions, you need to reduce the percentage of the word “no” in your communication with the baby. Move the things he shouldn't touch higher up and make the space as secure as possible. If the baby behaves badly in the store, go there without him, leaving him under the supervision of other mothers with prams, or move the “shopping” time to the evening, when your relatives who have returned from work can replace you at home.

For “forbidden” activities, it is imperative to look for an alternative replacement that will suit both you and the baby:

• if he likes to play with your keys, and you are afraid that he will lose them, “make” your own set of keys from old locks;
• if the baby enthusiastically clicks doorknobs and locks - attach old or inexpensive locks to plywood, and let the baby play with them for fun;
• a baby who loves to jump on the sofa can arrange a safe corner where a one-year-old child can jump freely without the risk of injury.

So that the baby does not grow up aggressive, it is important to teach him compassion in time. When a child hits you, a loved one or an innocent animal, you must explain to him that he acted badly and caused pain to a living being. Tell your child as emotionally as possible how a person feels when he was hit, and try to get regret from the crumbs about what was done.

Monitor your behavior and that of your loved ones. After all, a child can simply copy someone's behavior. Noticing that his parents do not respect elders, swear, beat each other, the baby will repeat what he saw, considering this to be the norm. Also, the baby can copy the behavior of an older brother or sister, a sandbox kid who fights and is never punished for it. Think about whether there is a reason for the aggressive behavior of the child in others, and try to correct the situation.

Mom is the closest person in the world, she is always there when the child is happy or sad, she will forgive and understand everything. And that is why the mother, more often than others, becomes the object of the release of uncontrolled children's emotions or the psychological experiments of the baby. Often there are situations when a child beats his mother, what to do and how to behave in such cases?

At about three years old, children experience a serious crisis, the first birth of a personality. A calm baby suddenly begins to show negativism, stubbornness, self-will, protest, throw tantrums. There are changes in the inner world of the baby, for the first time he becomes aware of himself as a separate person, asserts his “I”, most often this is manifested by a negative attitude towards what he is asked for. He tries to do the opposite. It is from this moment that the formation of personality begins.

Why does the child beat the mother

At a certain period of their development, children can show their emotions in actions that are unacceptable in society, so they try to cope with surging emotions, express protest or resentment, or simply test the boundaries of what is permitted.

The exit of emotions

Small children do not know how to control their emotions, and often during active games, a child at 2-3 years old beats his mother. This is not happening out of evil, and the baby does not want to hurt at all, he is simply looking for a way out of an emotional outburst in such an accessible way. In fact, nothing bad happens, but sometimes such attacks are quite painful, and as they grow older, the baby will accept such behavior as the norm, which can cause conflicts with his peers on the playground or in the garden.

Sometimes the parents themselves become the cause of this behavior, who strive to pinch a one-year-old baby, crush, bite, everything naturally comes from an overabundance of feelings and surging parental love, accompanied by smiles and jokes. But the baby remembers such a model of behavior, and here is a ready answer to the question of why a child beats his mother a year.

In order not to further aggravate the current situation, start with yourself, try to control your emotions and show your love for your son or daughter with hugs, kisses and gentle words, then the baby, following your example, will do the same.

But if the problem already exists, it is necessary to make it clear as soon as possible that this should not be done.

How to react if the child hits the mother? To begin with, it’s worth telling the baby that you don’t like this behavior, and you shouldn’t scold him, because it’s not him who is bad, but his act. Explain to the baby that it is better to hug the parents, and not to beat, show how to do it. In the event that the child does not understand and continues to beat his mother in the face, it is necessary to let him go, or move a distance while once again explaining the reason why you do not want to communicate with him.

Protest

Often, parents, worried about the safety of their child, are overly strict, and limit his life with prohibitions. Being in such an environment, the baby constantly hears: you can’t, don’t go, don’t take, which creates psychological pressure and prevents him from developing. And if a one-year-old child beats his mother in the face, having fun or not realizing the seriousness of his act, then a child of 4 years old already consciously beats his mother out of a sense of protest and disagreement with the established rules. In fact, this is how the baby tries to defend his right to be a child, and in some ways he is right, if you do not take into account the methods of his struggle.

If a child beats his mother in response to a remark about how to behave? Here it doesn’t matter what the remark was, fair or the mother simply asked him not to scatter toys, the baby no longer hears his parents. There should not be many prohibitions; for children under 4-5 years old, you cannot say the word “no” more than five times during the day. Try to find compromises, smooth out sharp corners, make fewer comments. The reaction to the fact that the baby hit should be a dialogue, because this is exactly what the baby lacks - to be heard, listened to his opinion, take into account his wishes. If the response to a blow is anger, or a scream, or a retaliatory blow, perhaps the baby will no longer dare to do this, fearing the reaction of the parents, but the reason that led to such a reaction will remain, and possibly result in a more serious problem in the future. As practice shows, children who grew up in too strict families become uncontrollable in adolescence.

Aggression

Probably all parents, to one degree or another, faced the problem of aggression. The kid is angry with you, he can offend another child, hurt an animal, defiantly break a toy. The reasons for this behavior are many. It is important that it does not become fixed and does not become the main way of expressing the feelings of the child.

Investigating the reasons that contribute to the formation of aggression in childhood, many researchers (B. Krahy, N. M. Platonova, R. Baron, etc.) are of the opinion that the family is the main model of such behavior. The family may show coldness, indifference or hostility on the part of parents, negative assessments, suppression, disrespect for the personality of the child, emotional rejection of the child, conflict, excessive control or complete absence of it, excess or lack of attention from parents, a ban on physical activity, aggressive relationship between father and mother.

Inadequate style of family education is considered as one of the main reasons for the aggressive behavior of the child. Research shows that parents of aggressive children are very often people who adhere to a policy of non-intervention in parenting or provide too much freedom, going so far as not paying attention to the child at all.

If a child at the age of 3-4 beats his mother during a splash of aggression, what should I do?

According to the leading psychiatrists of the Moscow City Psychological and Pedagogical University, firmly say "no", reinforcing your actions by holding the child's hand and expressive gesture. Under no circumstances give up! the child will not comprehend your "educational" method, but will do the same, imitating your behavior / L.G. Borodina, E.N. Soldatenkova / Adults need to remember that a sharp suppression of aggression, severe punishments can lead to the consolidation of negative behavior. An adult prone to severe retribution unwittingly sets an example of aggressiveness to the child. It is known that children, who often observe the “anger” of significant adults, adopt the form of their behavior. Lack of punishment also leads to the perpetuation of aggressiveness. Psychologists H.H. Zavadenko and T.Yu. Uspenskaya (see Dubrovina I. Vsoavt. Practical psychology of education. M., 1998) suggest, if possible, to ignore the defiant actions of a child with signs of aggression (in acceptable forms) and encourage his good behavior.

It is important to teach children how to express their feelings correctly, to help the child learn to respond to certain situations and environmental phenomena in an adequate form, and not to suppress their emotions. Do not evaluate the feelings of the child, do not demand that he does not experience what he is currently experiencing. As a rule, violent reactions are the result of a prolonged clamping of emotions.

The nervous system of the baby is not yet perfect and any stress in the form of family quarrels, moving, changing the daily routine can provoke a nervous breakdown, cause him to become hysterical or aggressive. As a rule, aggressive children splash out their negativity on those closest to them, or on those who cannot fight back. If a mother understands and forgives everything, she becomes an object for beating.

Dr. Komarovsky advises: if a child beats his mother, give him change in return, since no pedagogical exhortations or persuasion can help here. As Evgeny Olegovich says, aggression is an instinct, and in response to your controlled aggression, children learn to understand that the strong must be respected. Perhaps the doctor is right in some ways, and if a child of 1-5 years old beats his mother, then in response, he can stop doing this, because another instinct will work - self-preservation, but aggression will remain and will look for a way out elsewhere. Having drawn the conclusion that the strong must be respected, he will understand that the weak can be offended. And then he will take out his bad mood or uncontrollable anger on children who do not know how, do not want or cannot give back, or on animals.

You need to teach the baby to cope with his feelings, and if he wants to beat, crush and break - buy him a punching bag and he can let off his steam without hurting anyone. Even better, over time, give such a baby to the sports section, where, in addition to techniques and classes, the discipline of respect for others and the ban on the use of force against the weak are taught.

Checking the boundaries of what is permitted

Despite their temperament and personal qualities, children have a model of behavior that they were taught in the family. The time comes, and the children begin to probe the ground, unconsciously, but still, try to check what is allowed and where the prohibition is. So if a child hits his mother in the face for 1 year, it looks funny from the outside, but it is the parental reaction to such attacks that determines whether the baby will continue to do this. And if a child beats his mother at 2 years old, then most likely he will do it at 5 years old, since his mother allowed it.

How to wean a child to beat his mother?

In such a situation, it is enough to make it clear that such behavior is unacceptable. To do this, you do not need to beat the baby in response, because by doing this you, on the contrary, show a bad example. Crying and screaming, just as little can be achieved, for the crumbs this is a performance and it will provoke you more than once to look at simulated tears.

Fighting in the garden

Fighting with parents

The crumbs always touch their parents. For one toothless smile, they are forgiven a lot. But not all. And for the time being. Some parents are faced with completely different behavior of the child, which they dreamed of. A kid at a certain age begins to beat his mom and dad. About what to do if the baby fights, moreover, with the closest ones, says Evgeny Komarovsky.

Why is this happening

By fighting, kids express their accumulated aggression. Many mothers notice the first attempts to do this as early as six months. The child does not yet know how to speak, but he already knows how to arch his back with a “wheel” and desperately and rather viciously yell if something is not for him. A little later, the children may begin to pinch. After a year, the baby knows how to bite perfectly, and a one-year-old baby does this not out of malice, but because it is not yet able to cope with negative emotions adequately.

The most “problematic” protest age starts at the age of 2, closer to three years. Here, even the previously quiet and calm children can begin to show aggression and irritability.

However, a three-year-old fighter, who is used to solving problems with his teeth and fists both at home and in kindergarten, should alert his parents more seriously. Only one age stage and petty hooliganism cannot explain aggression at 2-3 years old. Usually this is an insufficient development of speech, which makes it difficult to find words to describe their feelings, a chronic lack of attention from adults, and sometimes symptoms of a nervous or psychiatric disorder.

Psychologists are almost unanimous - the main reason for children's unconscious aggression is the irritability of parents, especially mothers. According to the statistics available to child psychologists, four out of ten children have ever tried to use force against loved ones, in half of the cases the problem has become catastrophic when the child has become a real tyrant in his family.

Most often, parents of such aggressive children complain that the baby bites, spits, and also beats adults and even throws various objects that come to hand.

Komarovsky about the problem

The authoritative pediatrician Yevgeny Komarovsky has seen such children in his practice, and more than once. He categorically disagrees with the assertion of psychologists that you need to be patient and peacefully exhort the little tyrant and convince him (in words!) that "it hurts mom and grandmother."

All aspects of child aggression will be discussed with Dr. Komarovsky in the next video.

Soft and democratic pedagogical measures do not work in this situation., says Evgeny Olegovich. And if they work, then in exceptional cases. This is because aggression is nothing but an instinct, one of the strongest ancient human instincts. And it is impossible to fight instincts with any pedagogical methods.

In most situations with little fighters, only one thing works: to answer identically. Not a single manifestation of child aggression should be left without the attention of parents; an adult “victim” should immediately respond to every bite or blow.

If bitten, Komarovsky advises to bite back, if hit, do the same. Naturally, adults need to measure strength, but the answer should not be too sparing, since the child must understand from his own experience what is painful and insulting.

Moreover, Evgeny Olegovich advises mothers to comfort a screaming or whimpering child as little as possible after this “identical answer”.

If you are interested in the question of how to deal with an uncontrollable child, look at the next issue of Dr. Komarovsky on this topic.

Yevgeny Komarovsky emphasizes that the reciprocal, necessarily controlled aggression cannot speak of a mother's lack of love for her child, and even vice versa.

If you love him very much, you are unlikely to want to grow up a pathological personality with a sense of your own impunity and permissiveness.

Important

Outside of a conflict situation in which, according to the Komarovsky method, you gave a tough rebuff to a small aggressor, the behavior towards the child should not change. Mom should remain the same kind and affectionate, always ready to help. Then, according to the well-known pediatrician, the child will begin to form another very useful instinct - he will learn to respect the elders and the strong, he will understand that it is better not to provoke pain reactions, and he will also be able to quickly draw a parallel between his pain from your bite and yours during it. aggression.

Gradually, attacks on adults and peers will become less and less frequent, and then they will completely disappear and be forgotten.

Read. Read related articles too.
Very useful.
IMHO for your situation:
1. Aggression is normal. There are no non-aggressive people, there are people who know how to express aggression in socially acceptable ways. There are people who learn this naturally, and there are those who need to be shown. There are people who are less aggressive, there are people who are more aggressive. It does not depend on upbringing, but on temperament and the type of higher nervous activity. But the ability to control aggression is already education.
2. Accept your son for who he is. It's not a problem, it's not a problem, it's a feature. Someone has no ear for music, someone does not understand mathematics well, someone is too sensitive and breaks into tears at the slightest remark ... But your son is an angry child. Explosive. What they wrote to you: "You launched your son for 5 years" ... This, let's say, is not entirely true. The fact is that it is very difficult to single out an explosive child up to 3.5-5 years old. Because before that, all outbursts of anger in children are the same, and the crisis is 3 years old ... But at 3.5-4 years old it becomes clear, like a child with control of emotions and their manifestation.
I myself have had an impulsive and angry child for almost 8 years, I myself could not understand him for a long time - why does my son react to an innocent remark with an outburst of anger? It turned out that it is necessary not to understand, but to accept, for a start. And then understanding will come. It came a year later, somewhere after reading the article to which I referred above.
3. Teach your child to express anger in an acceptable way.
In words (but not later, after the fight - "Mom, I got angry and hit you", but in advance - "Mom, I want to watch a cartoon, but you annoy me!" for example) - let it look rather strange and creepy, but better Yes, not with fists. And there should be dialogue. "Yes, I can see and hear that you are annoyed. But now you quickly blow your nose and return to the cartoon."
Beating is not a source of irritation - but nearby objects (pillow, sofa, wall ...). Sometimes special pillows for whipping are created.
Make sounds. By the way, my son and I now, when we are so angry that there are no words, we hiss at each other. Like geese. Let's sip and calm down.
4. Read the book Explosive Child. There are very helpful tips. In general, read books on psychology. Gippenreiter the same. I am not saying that this is a panacea, and that you cannot raise a child without this, but it is useful. On the one hand, there are many examples of such things that you involuntarily think "And my angel is something else compared to THESE children ...", on the other hand, sometimes something remains in memory and in the mind and is successfully applied.

And further. This is not only your problem. This is the son's problem. Do you think it's easy for a child like this - first he got angry, then - a feeling of guilt? He also hit my mother ... Also, shame, because my mother will have a little one ... Dad will come and punish. The child needs to be taught to manage his anger, manage it, live with it, express it. This will help him a lot in life. And only you and your husband can teach him in a way that is useful and easy for him. Or life, but much tougher.
Good luck.

P.S. By the way, your son is already quite big. Start calmly and slowly accustom him to predict his actions and negotiate, seek compromises. This is useful. Gradually, it will get better and better for him.

Very often, parents have to hear complaints from educators and teachers that their children are cruel and aggressive towards their peers. As a rule, far from all fathers and mothers succeed in finding reasonable reasons why a child beats children. Of course, the information described below will be useful for those who do not know what to do and what to do in this situation.

The reasons

First of all, you need to find out the motives of the child's behavior: why he becomes rude, impudent and, at the first opportunity, "uses his fists."

Sometimes a situation arises in families when the aggression of the baby “splashes out” on his relatives. As a result, the child beats his mother, his caregivers, or threatens his brothers and sisters.

To solve this problem, parents must clearly understand that they must devote enough time to raising their child.

It is necessary to try to convey to him that for a person there is a certain model of behavior, in accordance with which he contacts with members of society, respecting their rights and interests.

The origins of the problem, why a child beats other children, should be sought in the actions of parents. For the baby, they are a role model. For example, if dad and mom consider it quite normal for a conflict to be resolved with the help of physical force, then their children will also not see anything shameful in this.

A hostile attitude towards others can also be explained by the fact that the child spends most of his time watching TV, on the screen of which they show crime films with murders, violence and "rivers of blood". The news feed of television channels also contains a lot of information about hostilities and wars. All this negatively affects the mental state of children - they absorb information.

If, for example, your offspring sees that someone is using force as a way to resolve a conflict, then it is possible that in the near future he will want to test this technique in practice.

Considering the question of why a child beats children, it should be noted that parents should understand that in childhood the psyche is just being formed. Because of this, little boys sometimes do not understand which actions are considered positive and which are negative. They also do not know how to control their own negative emotions and how to get rid of them. Adults should understand that children can also experience frustration, anger and resentment. Children can use a variety of behaviors to prove their individuality and independence to society.

Solutions to the problem

Parents need to understand the seriousness of the extent to which children's aggressiveness can take.

In deciding why a child beats children, his parents should take the most active part, it is impossible to be indifferent to this problem. It is also not recommended to use only one system of punishment for the misconduct of the baby, otherwise his psyche can be harmed.

Fathers and mothers should not forget that anger, anger, irascibility in children is a completely natural reaction to external stimuli. They only learn to develop the correct model of behavior in society, and the task of parents is to speed up this process.

So, how to fix the situation when, for example, an older child beats a younger one?

Become a role model

Little boys and girls learn through imitation. Does your child hit children? Become a role model for your child. If the baby regularly watches his parents quarrel and show aggression towards each other, he will copy this behavior model.

Help your child get rid of negative emotions

Your offspring must learn to clear their head of negative thoughts without harming their peers.

Set aside a special place for him where he could calmly “splash out” his negative emotions: cry, stomp his feet, scream, and so on.

Use the energy of the child in the "right direction"

Don't know what to do if your child fights? Remember that children have more than enough energy, so it must be used wisely. Consider how you can organize your baby's leisure time for the benefit of him, so that his physical strength is not used on others, but, for example, on or dumbbells. You can also go outside with your baby, play football or badminton with him.

Help your child understand the causes of aggressive behavior in a timely manner

If your son bruised another boy, you must respond to this act without delay. The offspring must be made clear that the act that he committed is negative. He must realize that such behavior should not be repeated in the future. The child must learn to take responsibility for their actions and admit their mistakes in the form of an apology. Wait for the moment when he calms down and analyze his trick with him. Together you must come to a common denominator and find another way to express negative emotions.

It often happens that, not knowing how to “splash out” these emotions, the child beats his mother. What to do in this case? Again, you should calmly sit down and talk with the offspring. At the same time, it makes no sense to apply physical force to it, thereby you can aggravate the problem, and the offspring can “close in on itself”. Only the method of persuasion will help here. Make sure that the child understands that fighting is not good, and parents need to be loved and respected.

Punishment must be appropriate

Remember that the punishment for the child for his misconduct must be right. We emphasize once again that anger, irritability and discontent may not disappear after he receives an impressive "portion" of the belt. In the event that the child “waves his fists” for the second time, this is also no reason to harm him. As a solution to the problem, you can temporarily limit his communication with children.

If you notice that your baby is starting to improve and his behavior is becoming correct, be sure to focus on this and praise him. In the future, he will think several times before bruising other children, because the child will remember that you obviously will not like such behavior.