It became clear to me that many readers expected a slightly different interpretation of the topic. Of course, in that article I tried to draw a line between real and false dominants: men who have leadership inclinations, but show them very immaturely and ineptly. Practice has shown that these concepts should be distinguished even more clearly, since in modern society it is customary to consider dominant not so much realized leaders as those who only want to manage and demand submission from others. Requires always and everywhere, without having real developed qualities. That is why their efforts are often unsuccessful. Indeed, in this case, the environment, society is only a “litmus” that reveals what exists.

Outwardly, he is a male dictator, a despot, a domestic tyrant. Although, in fact, many of these “alpha males” are more like capricious children. Their love for BDSM play is just one manifestation of this. They are strong, as a rule, in the game or in words. And they prefer to demonstrate their strength in relation to those who much weaker than them or in a dependent position. At the same time, they do not disdain such techniques as ridicule, ostentatious humiliation of subordinates, trumping their advantages, emphasized condescension and self-affirmation at the expense of others.

All these are clear signs of a failed, immature dominant. And they always indicate a delay in psychological development: a mass of unresolved teenage complexes, problematic self-esteem. And such people have almost no respect both for themselves and for other people. Hence their constant need to compete with someone, to prove something, to shout loudly about themselves, to emphasize their exclusivity. Without this, they feel inferior, they are bored, they feel bad without other people's attention. False dominants are always energy vampires.

And it would be nice if they became rappers and practiced battles - this way, at least, you can sublimate the energy and even have your say in modern art, gradually going through the path of development from a boy to a man. It’s much worse when pseudo-alphas declare this state of affairs the norm and try to lead others along their path.

A striking example of such false dominant men in psychology are pickup coaches. By the way, it was they who introduced the concept of “alpha male” into widespread use. Many of them like to talk about male strength and are convinced that a real man is a dominant by default. He must be able to achieve his goal by any means, not disdaining either deception, hypnosis, or other psychological tricks. He is always right, period! As for such concepts as gender equality, female dignity, serious relationships, pick-up artists either laugh at them or simply don’t think about them. Their program is not designed for this.

If you look carefully and go even a little beyond the context, you see that all such “pick-up gurus” are youngsters (or very infantile adults with difficult destinies), as a rule, without special psychological education. They consider themselves experts, but work exclusively with a teenage audience. That is, with even more immature, even less knowledgeable, even less self-confident people. Their clients are boys with unformed values, a meager range of emotions and desires, and a very shaky worldview. A thinking adult woman would not call any of the regulars of such courses - neither speakers nor listeners - a man. This is understandable: why would they, in this case, master the art of manipulating women? When normal, natural techniques do not work, willy-nilly you have to resort to tricks. To portray the appearance of something that is not there.

How does the psychological portrait of a real leader differ from the so-called dominant male?

True leadership needs no proof. The real leader, firstly, does not oppress the weak and does not show off against their background - he does not need this to feel strong. He respects all people, regardless of their place in the hierarchy - and even if someone needs to be “put in their place,” he will try to do it as tactfully as possible, without hurting the person’s dignity.

Secondly, a true leader will never say out loud: “I’m in charge here!” This is already obvious. People themselves are drawn to a stronger, more experienced person; they see a lot of advantages in subordinating to such a person and do not at all resist control on his part. If his attempts to give instructions meet someone’s resistance, it means that the protester has not fully understood the situation and does not see any benefits for himself in following the leader (and it is not so much pressure that helps here, but a good explanation). Or perhaps the balance of power in this case is approximately the same, which is what prevents us from building a vertical relationship. This means that these two will soon become equal partners with equal responsibilities and rights. Well, or they will just go their separate ways and everyone will go their own way.

Moreover, a real leader will not have any problems with any of these options. After all, he does not depend on his subordinates either emotionally or financially. Therefore, he does not cultivate dependence in other people; on the contrary, he welcomes their desire to become stronger and freer. If someone did not want to obey him, he will easily let him go, or reconsider the conditions on which their relationship is built. He has no problems with dividing boundaries and areas of responsibility. This is the third important difference between a truly strong man and a so-called dominant man, whose psychology is based on a single rule: to be on top at any cost. Even to your own detriment. Discussing, agreeing, coming to a common decision is not about “dominant”. He decides for everyone and suppresses disagreements by force. He simply does not know how to build relationships on equal terms. Any compromise seems to him a sign of weakness.

A true leader is able to soberly assess the situation and balance of power. He knows how to use this arrangement to the benefit of himself and others. And most importantly, he is independent. Neither from other people’s assessments, nor from a sense of one’s own superiority over others, nor, especially, from the need to “put someone down” or “punish”, ingratiating one’s vanity.

In other words, an accomplished leader is a mature, independent person, strong, wise and flexible. And a dominant man in the usual meaning of this word today is, as a rule, a person with psychological trauma, stuck at the teenage stage of development. He may be quite strong by nature and prone to leadership, but, due to certain life circumstances, his psyche has frozen, and his biological age has overtaken it. Perhaps another alternative does not appeal to him. He is quite comfortable in this role, he just chooses as friends and partners only those who are noticeably inferior to him in development, so he is always ready to be at the bottom and recognize his superiority.

Usually such people realize themselves well in their careers or business. This is due to their constant desire to compete and compete. In addition, in business relationships there is no need for special closeness and warmth, and having subordinates at work is the norm. As for the personal sphere, “dominants,” for all their success and wealth, often do not have stable personal relationships at all: they are content with short-term connections, and “for the soul” have pets. They certainly won’t challenge his supremacy, and they won’t go anywhere. So you don’t have to painfully try to regain self-confidence in the event of a rebellion from those to whom you have become attached, whom you are accustomed to consider as your wards. Complete security.

What to do if your man is a “dominant”?

There is no need to change it purposefully. It’s better to answer for yourself: are you attracted to such a man? If so, then things are most likely about the same with your psychological age. Adults don't fall in love with teenagers. Perhaps you, too, prefer the role of a “candy baby,” someone’s favorite toy, or a “tough guy’s girlfriend” than an adult woman. And that means you have found each other.

But be prepared for the costs of such relationships: lack of personal territory, personal opinion, personal interests. What do such men want from women? Complete submission. Don’t have any illusions about your own rights: a “dominant” man will do only what he wants. And you – accept everything unconditionally. In practice, this can result, for example, in the inability to express your protest if your husband is cheating, or if you don’t like his methods of raising children. He will give you as much money as he sees fit. Well, he also decides the rest of the little things: how you dress, where to go, with whom to communicate. Are you ready for this?

If a man is really in love with you, you can little by little begin to expand your sphere of influence. Perhaps you will be able to go through the path of growing up together, like the heroes of the popular film “Fifty Shades of Gray”, who, at the last stage of the relationship, came to a completely traditional democratic union. But it may also happen that your chosen one does not want to become an ordinary big uncle and live like everyone else. Then you will have to part with him. However, if you have time and desire, you can experiment.

It’s another matter if, as they say, your clock is already ticking, and you want a normal family, and not a teenage role-playing game. Then it’s better not to risk several years of your life. Direct your efforts not to re-educating the dominant, but to finding a more suitable person. Can a dominant man change? Psychology knows enough examples when this happened. But only on condition that he himself wants it. Is this your case?

Dominance is a personality quality in which there is a desire to be superior to others and occupy a dominant position. Regarding interpersonal relationships, maybe female. According to psychologists, both one and the other forms of dominance are normal, although this is more characteristic of the male sex, while the nature of women is submission and service to their chosen one. In this article we will take a closer look at dominance and how it manifests itself.

Man and woman: who is the boss in the house?

Why is the man initially considered to be in charge? This is due to the fact that his mind, compared to a woman’s, is more consistent and “cold”. That is, a representative of the strong half of humanity is less susceptible to the influence of emotions, which are always secondary for him. Therefore, a man thinks more sensibly. From all this we can conclude that dominance is the power of the one who is less emotionally involved in the relationship and is not influenced by various feelings.

But there are situations when a man becomes dependent on a woman, “under his thumb,” so to speak, relaxes and gives her the reins in the relationship. Such unions have a right to exist and are found all the time. How correct is this? A woman by nature does not strive to control, much less control a man. Her goals include caring for loved ones, only then can she feel happy. However, due to various life situations, female dominance also arises in relationships.

How to avoid falling under the “female heel”?

It’s hard to disagree with the words of Alexander Pushkin that if you love a woman less, then there will be more return on her part. After all, representatives of the fair sex always dream of strong, confident, pragmatic men next to them. How to dominate a woman?

In European countries, some men have ceded their power for quite a long time, and Russian female domination is quite common. Whether this is good or bad is up to you and your partner to decide. After all, the main thing in a relationship is understanding, love and harmony!

In any relationship, be it between a man and a woman, between friends or between parents, there is one who dominates (is the leader) and there is one who is dominated (the follower).

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The first rule of dominance: the one who values ​​himself above his partner and can be the first to break off the relationship tries to dominate.

The relationship is controlled by the partner who considers himself more significant, the one who values ​​himself more and feels superior to his partner. The most important thing is that he is not the best, but rather considers himself the best. The fact is that a person who considers himself more significant is always ready to break off relationships, break them for the sake of his interests and easily build new ones if he needs it. Such a person is more selfish than his partner.

The driven partner always puts the relationship above his own interests, and his importance will always be lower. And here there is a very important point, an unconscious mechanism that catches you, “after all, my partner can leave me and find someone better.” Because of this, the person who can leave first and end the relationship easily is always more valuable.

The dominant person easily enters into conflict and always puts his own decisions above those of his partner. The follower, on the contrary, more often goes for reconciliation, because he always has a fear of loss. And men who always make concessions, are afraid of conflicts and do not limit a woman’s desires, do not put them in their place, automatically give her full power to manage their relationship. In this relationship the woman is dominant. But a woman does not need power, she does not want it even when she is fighting for it. And having received a rebuff, she calms down, testing the man’s strength. But if she gets power, she doesn't know what to do with it.

READ ALSO - Women's fears: why are we afraid of being rejected?

A serious mistake is made by men who, when a woman is shaking her rights or manipulating her departure, ask her to decide whether she wants to be with him or not. By doing this, they give her the right to control the relationship, to dominate, and thereby lose the relationship, because they automatically lose the last remnants of their value for the woman. And if they start asking to come back or beg for pity, then they lose respect. After this, they evoke disgust and pity in the woman, but not love. It’s better to make a decision yourself - to quit first or solve the situation differently, take it with force and insist on your own.

The second rule of dominance: the one who is less emotionally involved in the relationship will dominate. In the relationship between a man and a woman, the one who loves less controls.

What we can take away from this is that the one who is constantly jealous, offended, throws hysterics, and sobs is always in the role of a follower. He will never dominate. And the second conclusion from this is that a woman is always more emotional and acts mainly under the influence of emotions. A man, on the other hand, is always more restrained and more rational, which means dominance is more suitable for a man and he should dominate.

The third rule of dominance: in a relationship, the person who is more self-sufficient is always dominant.

A self-sufficient person is one who is independent of relationships, because for him they are only part of life and there are other equivalent sources for receiving emotions. Therefore, even if a person loses a relationship, he will find a bunch of other sources of joy that will help him survive the loss of the relationship.

Self-sufficient people are freer than those for whom relationships are a very important part. Because for the latter, they are practically the only source of emotions and without them life becomes meaningless. These people move from one addiction to another, while suffering greatly.

The fourth rule of dominance: the one who invests more in this relationship is more dependent in a relationship.

This always works only because the person who invests more in the relationship becomes the person to whom it is more important and necessary. After all, he put a lot of effort into them, and we always value what we get with difficulty, and practically do not value what we get for free. This means that the partner in whom they invest automatically begins to value his partner’s efforts less, because he himself has not invested anything, and becomes more significant and dominant. If a person does a lot for a relationship, stepping over himself, over his desires, then he thereby lowers his importance, but greatly increases the importance of the relationship for himself.

You can invest not only attention, care or money. Think a lot about a person and he will automatically become more important. The more you think about a person, the more important he becomes and the greater the desire to possess him. If you think about it constantly, then after some time it becomes the most important thing in life.

Therefore, rushing to give gifts or excessive attention when a person begins to notice that the partner has begun to cool down practically does not work. This oversaturates the person receiving and reduces the importance of the one giving the gifts.

Men are naturally given the right to dominate; this has been the case since ancient times; tribes have always been ruled by representatives of the stronger sex. This right can either be lost or voluntarily given to a woman.

But if you want to manage a relationship, you definitely have to dominate, be in charge. And this is what it means:

1) The one who values ​​himself higher in this relationship, who is ready to break it, dominates. If you can get up and walk away, you can feel it. You clearly defend your position and value yourself higher in relationships. Accordingly, the other person values ​​himself lower. And in general, he evaluates the relationship with you as more significant for him. Therefore, he experiences a strong fear of losing you.

2) The one who is less emotionally involved in the relationship dominates.

3) The one who is the more self-sufficient person dominates. This means that in addition to these relationships, there are many more interesting things in your life. And if they stop, the world will not stop for you, you will not fall into depression and you will not sob into your pillow at night, call and write crazy text messages that lead to nothing, bother you and cause pity. Such things are usually done during a breakup by the man who did not manage the relationship and was emotionally involved in it. It is worth noting that such methods never work on women. Or, rather, they produce the opposite effect: you want to get rid of the annoying whiner as quickly as possible. If your life is full and rich in various interesting, fun, positive, fulfilling things, you have many different hobbies, you travel, meet friends, and are constantly busy with something, then when the relationship ends, you are not too upset. Of course, you will be a little upset, sad, because it is always sad when something good ends, but you will not have a feeling of hopelessness and the end of the world.

4) In relationships, the one who invests more in them is more dependent. This refers to money, attention, emotions, gifts. If you do more for your partner than he does for you, you can no longer claim a position of dominance.

5) He who evaluates dominates. Who has always assessed us first? Parents. They were more dominant towards us, this is natural. And this same principle is always preserved in everything. Both in personal life and at work too. The bosses evaluate you, and they dominate. Accordingly, if you want to dominate, be the one who evaluates. Grades can be good and bad. Either it’s good and you praise, or it’s very bad and you criticize. What's better? Praise “you’re my darling, you’re smart, you did a good job”? Or, on the contrary, grumble “Do you need to study a little? But the point is that you can’t choose just one thing, or only good, or only bad. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, the most effective tool for assessing another person from the position of a dominant is to praise and criticize in approximately the same proportion. What is called acting using the “carrot and stick” method.

6) Social status, position in society. It just so happens that those who are on a higher social level dominate those who are lower. Usually this is established initially: someone is more experienced, someone has more life wisdom, someone is more beautiful and successful, someone has simply earned a lot of money. But everything here is determined not only by money, but also by natural data, some life achievements.

Summary: whoever invests more different resources into relationships becomes more dependent on these relationships. Accordingly, he has fewer levers for control and dominance.

There are two types of dominance:

1) Dominance is not environmentally friendly. You're bringing the girl down. You criticize her, find weaknesses, lower her self-esteem, develop complexes. The method is not environmentally friendly, but nevertheless very effective. But he only works with people who are not self-sufficient. If a girl is sufficiently advanced in all areas and has few weak points, this method will not work, she will simply send you to hell with your criticism. In this case, it will not be possible to dominate. This is only possible with individuals who actually have gaps in some areas. Let's say she is a foreigner and poorly expresses her speech in Russian. Why is this not a reason for criticism? Or she has small breasts and she herself is worried about it.

2) Joint growth in relationships. You have high self-esteem, you raise it even higher and at the same time increase your partner’s self-esteem.. You develop together, you emphasize her strengths, give her a positive charge, she blossoms next to you. This can be either verbalized or done on an unconscious level, women understand this very well.

Which method is the most effective in terms of dominance? Both. This is the ideal format. Try to capture both the negative and the positive. Again, the notorious “carrot and stick” is most appropriate in this situation.

Do you want to find your great love, charm her and live happily ever after? A new training block has been added to the program! Now course participants are given knowledge on building strong relationships.

Success in a relationship with a girl does not depend on the power of love, gifts, dates and sex. A man can conquer and tame a woman in the only way - dominance. Many magazines teach how to care, give gifts, and talk about behavior. But real relationships are wars in the mountains. The main thing here is to occupy the dominant peaks and suppress the enemy with fire.

In a relationship, someone always dominates, and someone follows the lead. If you manage to become dominant over a woman, then we can assume that she is now yours.

Even the greatest poet of the 19th century, Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin, wrote in his novel “Eugene Onegin”: “The less we love a woman, the easier we like her and the more likely we are to destroy her among seductive networks.”

This is the most popular quote about women's love. Why did this happen? It best reflects the principles of relationships between the two sexes. Alexander Sergeevich knew the fair sex too well and therefore was the greatest heartthrob of his time.

Dominance in relationships. How to dominate a woman?

1. Willingness to break off the relationship

The more a person is afraid of losing his half, the more vulnerable he is. A man needs to show independence and not be afraid to break up. This is the best way to tie a woman to you. In a relationship, there is no need to be afraid of conflicts and temporary disagreements. Men who make constant concessions, who are afraid of separation, who make peace first, who ingratiate themselves, will never receive the love and respect of a woman. By showing by your behavior that you value the relationship less and can break it off, you tie the woman to you. You subjugate the woman and show your dominant role in the relationship. The role of the dominant male.

2. Demonstration of the presence of eggs

Many women begin to pump up their rights, rush to leave, set conditions and manipulate. This is done for one purpose - to check for the presence of eggs in a man. As soon as a man cracks: he gives up his position or makes concessions, the woman stops respecting him. Women test men's strength not with the goal of subduing or breaking them. This is done to ensure that your choice is correct. Don't let the woman down. No matter what tricks women pull, they want to submit to a man. To a real man...

3. Addiction

What we get with blood and sweat is more valuable. A man who gets to a woman for a reason, but with a rupture of emotions and nerves, is worth his weight in gold. The dominant person in a relationship is the one who receives more than he gives. Indulging less in a woman's whims, a man binds and subjugates her to himself.

4. Self-sufficiency

To be independent from relationships, to be able to cook, to manage a household and to be able to rejoice means to be self-sufficient. Having the strength for an autonomous life, you show your self-sufficiency and strength. Relationships are not the center of your world. You can do without this woman if she is unworthy. Self-sufficiency is necessary to achieve a dominant position.

5. Self-esteem

The higher and better a person is in life, the more he is valued by women. High self-esteem is necessary for men. Low or “flawed” self-esteem has nothing to do with hunting women. Women feel it. You can increase your self-esteem, or you can lower your female self-esteem. The last method is used by pickup artists, but it is not a very effective method. It’s better to raise your rank from medium to high, and criticize her periodically. Praise the woman and criticize her. The carrot and stick method is very effective in love. Women are more emotional, and this method of praise and punishment is good. Amplitude emotions make her worry and worry. This is how women fall in love.

In a relationship, one should be the leader and the other should be the follower. Here's who wins. If she breaks you, she will go in search of a stronger male. You have to break it.

The dominant role of men is inherent in nature. The main thing here is you, and not the fair sex. It's time to let her understand this.